Living through death
by xEmistuckx
Summary: What if Sgrub never happened and Feferi had to watch her friends die? A sadstuck mess, i'll tell you that. This is based off a video I saw on youtube. Rated T for death and suicide.
1. Chapter 1

Royal blood:

**Inspired by a youtube video, as the sweeps pass by, I wrote the first five trolls' deaths. And Gamzee's. Be warned: get ready to cry.**

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Hello, my name is Feferi Piexes and I have watched all my friends die.

It started when I was still what other royals would call 'young'. I was 26 sweeps and all I could hear was Nepeta' sobbing. In the other room, a dear friend, Karkat, was dying. His blood couldn't hold on. As Terezi held onto the young man, Karkat sunk into a permanent slumber. I sat in the corner, silently dripping tears. Sollux comforted me. He told me it was all going to be okay. But it wasn't.

We had a short gathering the next day. Nepeta wouldn't leave Karkat's body and had to be pried off his corpse. She slowly went insane after that. Terezi didn't react much. She just watched Karkat be dropped into the river with a poker face. She started to shake and turned away.

A while later Aradia began to get sick. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't talk. One night, Sollux called everyone to her hive. When I arrived, he was in tears. Aradia was holding his hand, whispering soft murmers. I sat next to her side, praying. Nepeta and Equius comforted each other in the living room. In her final moments, Aradia reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Farewell" She closed her eyes. With a final sigh, she smiled. Her chest no longer rose and fell with short breaths. Sollux excused himself.

The group got quiet after that. Everybody was shaken from the deaths. And everybody knew who was next. Tavros wheeled around in a silent worry. Gamzee eventually moved in with Tavros and Vriska became very tense. It stayed like that for a while, Tavros never being alone.

Of course, the day came. It was mid-afternoon when Vriska came bursting through the door. Bad news hit everyone like a brick. Many trolls failed to arrive, not wanting to see the death.

I cried along with Gamzee, Vriska and Terezi. His wheelchair sat empty next to his bed. The gathering was short but sweet. I'm sure Karkat would have said something nice.

We all missed him.

Sweeps became very muddled and stuck together. No one lived alone. In fact, 7 sweeps after Tavros passed, we all moved to Terezi's hive. I would cry every night and Eridan would try to comfort me. Admittedly, I'd push him away. Sollux and I stuck together like a hoofbeast to an apple. Hehe, Equius would have loved that one.

…

Less than a sweep before you-know-what happened, Gamzee started looking ill. He stopped talking and drowned himself in pies. One night he looked into my eyes and asked me why the slime wasn't working. Why the pain wouldn't go away. I shook under his glare and said I didn't know.

The next morning, I found him dead, hanging from the ceiling.

No one was left for him. Karkat and Tavros were long gone. Out of respect, I prayed over his body and never went back in that room again. It would have been a good idea to send him off on the river but my strength failed me. Why? Just eight months later, Sollux would stay up late. A week before his death, I woke up to the sound of pencil against paper. Looking at me, he told me that he was writing something very important. I was assured it wouldn't be needed for a very long time. After his death, I opened his nightstand and found the paper. It was his will. And a love letter for me.

Oh cod, I was heartbroken. I cried and cried and only Eridan stopped my tears. With the lingering scent of death in the hive, we moved to Equius's place.

Nepeta, still a bit insane, broke down. She would hiss and throw things. Equius would try to help, but Nepeta scratched his face. As he bled, Nepeta stood in a state of shock. Then she threw down her claws and rocked back in forth. Her breath was shaky. Tears poured down her face and stained the floor.

One morning, she wouldn't blink. Equius shook her, but Nepeta wouldn't move. I screamed at the top of my lungs. Eridan ran to my side, biting his lip at the sight of his once flush-crush.

Who didn't cry at her gathering was someone who didn't have a heart. Even Vriska blinked rapidly and complained about not hanging out with the cat troll.

As she floated down the river, the sky opened up and mourned.

6 gone, 6 to go.

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**How was it? **

**If you're wondering, since trolls don't bury their dead, I made a gathering where the trolls are sent floating down a river. Otherwise, it's pretty human-like.**

**Comment if you want me to finish.**


	2. Chapter 2

As deaths became farther and farther apart, we returned to are usual lives. Terezi became a lawyer, I was empress, Vriska crashed at my place for a while. Equius? I wasn't entirely sure.

Eridan, I know, lived with me and wouldn't leave my side.

It got annoying after a while. One night we started fighting, yelling over his unwelcome stay. Then, he left. I was quite upset at the terribubble move but wiped my tears as I addressed my people. I would speak to them with such dignity, such encouragement. They believed I was the happiest troll on Alternia. And I should have been.

Vriska caused me more problems. After her failed attempt at becoming a pirate and being a suspect for murder, she moved in with me. I let her in, it was the right thing to do. A few months after she got a room far away from my side of the castle, she started breaking 8-balls again. I could hear the shatter echoing through the halls. She said it relieved her stress but I think it just reminded her of old times.

Terezi was my most trusted lawyer, helping me win many cases against Eridan. He stood alone, trying to chip small pieces of courage off me, until I broke down and went back to him. It was a miserable attempt.

All the while, Kanaya was situated on a sweet countryside, sewing yards and yards of clothing to sell to Alternia's finest brands.

No one visited her, but no one worried about her either. She was one of our most sensible advisors. We'd pester each other, talking about life as an empress and her, although far away, upcoming death. She described it as a fear, yes, but also as a new opportunity. I had devised dream bubbles just before Karkat died, sending everyone to a place of their memory, to live together. Kanaya embraced this fact, making her death a silent one.

She died in her sleep. Her make-up was done and a newly pressed dress was draped over her chilled body. She was sent off in a coffin of flowers.

My kingdom grew stronger and stronger, but my friends grew lesser and lesser. Terezi died after we had a heated conversation with Vriska. The doctors say it was a blood pumping capsule attack. I wasn't so sure…

Vriska would yell and tear away at her silk curtains during fits of rage. Every night it was the same:

Rrrip! Crash! RRrrip! Crash! "Fuck!"

I rushed to her side, calming her down. I'd brush her hair, talk like we used to. She's help me be brave for my people, without shying away. She even got Eridan and I to talk for once. For that, I am ever grateful.

One especially chilly night, there was a knock on the palace's door. With my dress trailing behind my graceful new figure, I opened it to find a ragged, kneeling Equius. He begged his forgiveness for leaving the small group. I brought him in and gave him a room next to Vriska. His eyes were sunken in, hair falling out at the edges. Calling my second-best tailor (First being a deceased Kanaya), I had him made a few suits. Enough clothing to look presentable in Alternia once more. A he warmed up to being around so many highbloods, I learned his story:

Once Nepeta died, Equius felt it was time to make something of his life. So, he left the group to become a machinist. The job didn't pay well and Equius lost his hive. He got married, something none of us had even thought of. His wife died of cancer. The never had a grub.

Equius then sought out Kanaya, just a sweep after she died. Finding her empty hive being sold to another family, he tried putting off coming back to us. He didn't want to admit defeat, didn't want to back down. He worked the cash register at troll walmart. Equius was ok with his wage, even getting a loan and buying a small communal hive. He met another woman and almost had one grub. It was only when the grub was still born, did Equius start fighting with his partner. She was a lowblood and Equius found many ways to use that against her. Truth be told, he couldn't get over Aradia, who had been dead for less than half his life.

The two divorced, leaving Equius in the position I found imin. With the last of his money, he called a cab and was driven to my palace.

He also told me that he was battling major depression. At some points he would cry himself to sleep from missing Nepeta. He almost whispered that last part, ashamed at his actions. I hugged him, my warm skin shivering at the touch of his cold skin. He pulled away, unsure of this feeling he was getting. It was care.

And he hadn't felt it in so long.


End file.
